Tools of the Trade

Anyone who has ever grown out their hair knows the value of the tools of the trade, namely headbands, ponytail holders, barrettes. Get a good hairband, slick back that hair, gel up the back in some funky spiky madness, and voila! Fake it till you make it is what I always say!

I've discovered that when growing out your life, you need tools too, namely friends, trips to Vegas, chocolate and alcohol...not necessarily in that order. Friends will force you out of the house, either for lunch, coffee, drinks...whatever, and they won't judge the sweatpants you have been wearing for the past three days. (at least not the good ones!) They will keep you from hacking at your bangs in fits of frustration and rage and lie to you and tell you that you look great when you know you look like ass. Getting hit on my some drunk guy in Vegas who you have shoes older than can be good for the self-esteem. Chocolate and alcohol are fairly self-explanatory.

I am lucky that I have several friends to get me through this growing out stage of my life. They have accepted me where I am at right now and continue to love me anyway, six inch scar, depression, and jacked up hair and all.

We tend to forget however, that we have tools inside of us! Tools we need to take care of ourselves so that we can grow out healthy and happy we tend to forget how to do this. We take care of everyone else around us like society says we should afraid of the voices that tell us we are a bad mother, wife, worker, woman if we are not doing it all...for someone else.

You would think that having open heart surgery would force me to start taking care of myself. In many ways it has but I have noticed this past week that the things I need to do for myself - things that make ME feel better - I have let fall by the wayside. I haven't been exercising, meditating, sleeping well, or getting sunlight and I'm feeling the ramifications. Basically I feel like crap. I did go for a walk - dragging my sluggish self through the streets of my Stepford Wife subdivision. No, it didn't make me feel better but I have to start doing somewhere. I told my kids that night before I went if for surgery, "my heart is not some aorta that needs to be repaired or some valve that needs to be replaced. My heart is YOU!" Can't take care of those pieces of my heart until I take care of my own first.