So I went to Vegas with a friend this weekend. I did have a good time: had a spa tx, laid out by the pool, had an awesome dinner at Picasso, but I kept having flashbacks to 15-20 years ago when I was the party-girl/club-kid. Some things never change. The drinks may be more expensive but that is about it. I did come to realize that I am recovered from heart surgery. I'm fine. My heart is not going to explode or rupture in my chest at a moments notice. You will not see the headline "Stepford Wife Runner Found Dead in Clear Lake." What that means is the same thing it meant 15 years ago when I realized that my partying/drinking/ (and let's be honest, ho-ing around) was way out of hand: it's time to get off my ass and do something with my life. Like I said, somethings never change. I guess I'm lucky that all it took this time was a weekend in Vegas.
It is time to stop growing out my hair. Time to stop being afraid. Afraid of not being hired, afraid of my heart exploding, afraid of running, afraid of putting myself out there. I never realized the courage it takes to allow yourself to admit you're healed. It is much easier to be sick, to turn yourself and your care over to a team of doctors and to say, "I can't _________ because I'm sick.
I have decided that I really, really, need to get a job, get my resume together and start sending it out. I also think it is time to get a haircut so that I can look like somebody might want to hire.
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